Hexagram 54 歸妹 - GUĪ MÈI / THE MARRYING MAIDEN
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Trigrams#
- Above: Zhèn, the Arousing, Thunder
- Below: Duì, the Joyous, Lake
Zhèn, the eldest son, is above; Duì, the youngest daughter, is below. The man leads and the girl follows him gladly. The text describes a maiden entering her husband’s house. There are four hexagrams in total that depict relationship dynamics between spouses. No. 31, Xián, “Influence,” describes the mutual attraction felt by a young couple. No. 32, Héng, “Duration,” outlines the lasting conditions of marriage. No. 53, Jiàn, “Development,” details the gradual, ceremonial steps required to conclude a proper marriage. Finally, Guī Mèi, “The Marrying Maiden,” shows an older man followed in marriage by a young girl.
Note: Monogamy is the formal law in China. Every man has only one official wife. This union, which concerns the families far more than the two individuals involved, is concluded under the strictest observation of protocol. However, a man retains the right to follow his more tender personal affections. In fact, it is considered the finest duty of a good wife to assist him in this regard. This arrangement allows the relationship to remain beautiful and transparent. The girl who enters the family by the husband’s choice subordinates herself modestly to the mistress of the house as a younger sister. Naturally, these are very delicate and sensitive matters that require great tact from everyone involved. Yet, under favorable circumstances, this provides a solution to a problem that European culture has not successfully resolved. Of course, ideal femininity in China is just as rare as European marriages that perfectly align with Western marital ideals.
The Judgment#
The Marrying Maiden. Undertakings bring misfortune. Nothing that would be furthered.
A girl who enters a family without becoming the principal wife must behave with exceptional caution and restraint. She must not take it upon herself to displace the mistress of the house, as this would cause disorder and lead to untenable relationships.
This principle applies to all free associations among people. While legally regulated relationships feature a fixed framework of duties and rights, unions based purely on personal affection depend entirely on tactful restraint for their endurance.
Affection as a foundational principle of relationships is of immense importance throughout the world. The union of Heaven and Earth sustains all of nature, and similarly, among human beings, free affection stands as the beginning and end of every true union.
The Image#
Thunder above the Lake: The image of the Marrying Maiden. Thus the superior man, through the permanence of the end, recognizes the transitory.
Thunder stirs the water of the lake, which follows it in shimmering waves. This represents the maiden who follows the man of her choice. Yet every human connection carries the risk that deviations will creep in, leading to endless misunderstandings and difficulties. Therefore, it is essential to keep the end permanently in mind. If people simply let themselves drift, they come together and part as the day dictates. If, on the other hand, they keep a permanent end in view, they will succeed in avoiding the pitfalls that threaten close human relationships.
The Lines#
Nine at the beginning means:#
The marrying maiden as a concubine. A lame man who can walk. Undertakings bring good fortune.
The princes of antiquity maintained a strict hierarchy among palace ladies, who were subordinate to the queen just as younger sisters are to the eldest. They often came from the queen’s own family, and she would introduce them to her husband herself.
The meaning is that when a young girl enters a family with the full consent of the wife, she does not equal her in public status but steps back modestly. However, if she knows how to integrate herself into the household, she attains a thoroughly satisfying position and finds security in the love of the husband to whom she bears children.
The same dynamic applies to public officials. A prince may have a man with whom he is personally friendly and whom he takes into his confidence. This man must tactfully step back in public behind the official minister of state. Even though he is restricted by this position like a lame man, he can still accomplish much through the goodness of his character.
Nine in the second place means:#
A one-eyed man who can see. The perseverance of a solitary person is furthering.
The situation here is that the maiden has bound herself to a man who disappoints her. Husband and wife should work together like two eyes. Here, the maiden is left lonely. The man of her choice has either proven unfaithful or has died. Yet she does not lose the inner light of loyalty. Even if the other eye has gone dark, she maintains her fidelity in solitude.
Six in the third place means:#
The marrying maiden as a slave. She marries as a concubine.
A girl who finds herself in a low position and cannot obtain a husband may, under certain circumstances, still find a place as a concubine.
This situation arises when a person desires pleasures too intensely that cannot be obtained through normal channels. Consequently, one enters into a situation that is not entirely compatible with one’s dignity. No judgment or warning is added; the situation is simply exposed as it is, so that everyone can draw their own lesson from it.
Nine in the fourth place means:#
The marrying maiden delays the term. A late marriage comes in its own time.
The girl is virtuous, refuses to throw herself away, and consequently misses the customary time for marriage. However, this does no harm. She is rewarded for her purity and eventually finds the husband intended for her, even if it happens late.
Six in the fifth place means:#
The sovereign I marries off his daughter. The embroidered garments of the princess were not as splendid as those of the serving maid. The moon, which is almost full, brings good fortune.
The sovereign I is Tang the Completer. He decreed that imperial princesses must also be subordinate to their husbands in marriage (see Hexagram 11, line 5). The emperor does not wait to be courted, but gives his daughter in marriage according to his own judgment. Therefore, initiative on the part of the maiden’s family is appropriate here.
We see here a maiden of noble birth who marries into modest circumstances and knows how to adapt to her new situation with grace. She is free from the vanity of external adornment, forgets her high rank in marriage, and places herself below her husband, just as the moon, when not yet completely full, does not directly confront the sun.
Six at the top means:#
The woman holds the basket, but there is no fruit in it. The man stabs the sheep, but no blood flows. Nothing that would be furthered.
During ancestral sacrifices, the woman was required to present the fruits in a basket, while the man had to slaughter the sacrificial animal himself. Here, the rituals are fulfilled only superficially. The woman carries an empty basket, and the man stabs a sheep that has already been slaughtered, merely to keep up appearances. This irreverent, frivolous attitude promises no happiness for the marriage.
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